Sex ed

source: Playboy.com

Sex Ed is ALWAYS uncomfortable, and usually hilarious. I remember my Sex Ed teacher, who was a woman in her 70’s, answering a question with “You can’t get an STD from a salad bar. Unless of course, you are having sex on the salad bar.” Here are some other weird/hysterical Q&A’s from the world of sexual education.

1. Only if you do so in Notre Dame

I taught sex ed when I was a Peace Corps Volunteer in West Africa. A Red Cross volunteer and I did a Q&A session with the middle and high school kids. Best question, by far, was, “If you have sex with a girl on her period, will you become a hunchback?”

2. Dogs aren’t the only ones

I teach 11,12 year olds. Common interests are twins and abortions, but the best have included: “Please explain a gang bang,” and "How come when two dogs have intercourse they look bored?”

3. There’s always one comedian

I passed out the diagrams of all the fun parts and one girl just blurts out “Holy shit!! I have 3 holes?!?!” And one of the guys answers, “I could have told you that.”

4. Where do they hear these things?

My first student teaching placement was in an inner city 7th grade. I was asked, “Can your sister get pregnant if you masturbate on the toilet seat?” And, “If a girl gets pregnant from a blow job, will the baby come out her mouth?”

5. She seems to have a little too much experience

Was teaching a group of 8th grade girls and someone asked, “Why do guys always want to cum on your face?” Which I suppose is a fair question.

6. Guys will go to such great lengths to have sex with someone

One kid asked, “Mr. Teacher, if I have sex with Jake, and Jake has sex with Alexis, does that mean I had sex with Alexis?” He was dead serious. At least he learned the transitive property.

7. As long as they wear their magical underwear, they’ll be fine

I got an email from the wife of a straight Mormon couple that read: “My husband and I love anal sex. But we are concerned. How long can we continuing doing it until one or both of us gets AIDS?”

8. That’s how it’s supposed to be

I had a young lady come up to me and tell me that every time she had sex it felt like the first time – painful, and difficult. She let me know that her boyfriend also had trouble entering her.
ME: Well, are you aroused beforehand?
HER: Yes.
ME: Okay, good start. Are you wet enough?
HER: (scrunches up her nose) Yeah.
ME: …the way you respond is making me think that you don’t like this…
HER: I get sooo wet. It’s really gross, we make sure to wipe it all off before we have sex so it doesn’t get everywhere.

9. If only it were that easy

A guy in my class legitimately believed if the girl was on top, she can’t get pregnant. Said it with pride.

10. What did you think it was for?

A middle school boy pulled me aside after a sex ed class and asked whispering: “Mr. Dingus… what happens if you get a boner DURING SEX??” I told him that’s what boners are for. A look of ultimate understanding and clarity dawned upon him. I felt good.

11. Probably, if it’s long enough

Some 9 and 10 year olds that I taught got a bit hung up on pubic hair, and wanted to know if it was possible for 2 peoples' pubic hair to get tangled up together during sex.

12. What the hell is this mother’s objective?

I got, “My mom said that you can only get pregnant on Sundays after church. And you have to be married for at least 90 days. And you have to be at least 25. And you can’t have any alcohol because alcohol takes away your baby eggs.” This was a high school junior. I worry for her.

13. This sounds somewhat credible

Earwax sizzles if the girl has STDs. This myth seemed to be going around the public high school. To check if it’s safe to not use a condom, stick your finger in your ear, then covertly slip it inside the girl. It’ll fizz like Pop Rocks if she has any STDs.

14. What’s going on in her belly button?

Had a girl in high school that thought that tampons went in your belly button.

15. Either he’s hilarious…or horribly misinformed

During sex ed, a 7th grader just blurts out, “There’s been a rumor going around that girls don’t have penises.”