Front fell off

I am crying

Wooden rubber band machine gun

Bike Lock

wow

http://www.yankodesign.com/2016/07/22/blockbuster-design/

What is having a dick like?

Source - reddit - stupid-but-also-dumb

For most of the time it's a bit like having a sensitive ball of flesh attached to your front. Think of having a small boob in your crotch area. You can feel it's there most of the time, but it's not something you think about. When it's flabbing about freely it feels more... complex. What is usually restrained in your pants is now like a boob octopus that will flail around if you move too fast. I'm pretty sure the first piece of clothing we invented was the loincloth to help us run and move without fearing that the dick would slam into our balls. That said, its hardly ever in the way. Just like the vagina is lower than most guys expect, the dick is upper than most girls expect.

Now, when the dick decides it's going to fuck something, never mind the social or physical situation you are in, it gets a mind of its own. You can trick it, but you can't control it. In fact, it controls you. Lets continue with the boob analogy. Tighten your thighs and feel them. Do you feel the muscles, how hard they are? Imagine if the fleshy glob of fat that is your immaculate boobs suddenly turns into that. And your nipples become oh so sensitive and large. And then imagine those boobs in the shape of a dick in your crotch. In your pants. At your grandma's house. Where you are hosting a wake for you grandma. And you are delivering a speech in front of your family. You feel embarrassed, not horny. But your stupid stupid dick saw all those crying women in front of you and decided that, yeah, this is a worthwhile fetish. So now you are hoping to god that the creases in your pants are hiding your dick.

Let's take this analogy further, we're all pretty uncomfortable by now. Lets imagine this muscle boob with sensitive nipples in the shape of a dick and yourself have managed to coax a female of your species into copulating. God knows how you did that, your genitals sound more monstrous by the minute. But here you are, you're both naked, she's conveniently naked and ready, and you are sporting what you hope is at least an average dick. You're not gonna win any awards but whatever.

Your penis is now in charge. And it wants one thing. To be inside that other person. And it will not stop until it is there. Nirvana awaits, why the hell aren't you inside that person!? Okay so now you are inside that person and it feels amazing, tight, wet, so varm and just all around great. Except your penis still isn't happy. It demands stimulation.

Female and male orgasm are very different, obviously. Sure we have the same nerve endings and whatnot but most women can attest to that they don't orgasm every time, and sometimes it's fine not to orgasm(insert jokes about small dicks, inferior men and insults to selfish men here). To the dick, not orgasming is not acceptable. It's like the terminator, it must complete it's mission. There is no enjoying the "journey" for the dick. The dick is on a one way track to orgasmville, population 100 million kids. The dick doesn't care if anyone else joins him on the way to the orgasmville, if they do, that's a bonus.

Your selfish boobmuscle is getting most of the simulation from it's nipple. That's basically the only spot and the key is making that spot happy. When you find the right rhythm you start to feel a strange burning situation in the taint. This is called the vinegar burns and indicate that you are going to come. You will ejaculate now, there's nothing anyone can do to stop that. Once you've reached this point it's kind of like being able to chose a rollercoaster. You can pump away and reach some kind of nirvana esque experience as you feel yourself drain away into the other person through your boobmusclenipple. You can also ejaculate without orgasming, which is just a waste of time and effort. But the vinegar burns tell you that the journey is almost over and your penis and yourself are very happy.

At that point your dick sort of dies. It'll stay hard for a while but it's powerless to control you. And its that moment, right after sex, as you're getting your breath back, you begin to understand how this retarded muscle hanging in front of you controls every aspect of your life. How everything you do is an extension of his need to be inside other people. It feels comical. It feels insane. You start to wonder if you wanted to go to college or if your dick just wanted to try out other people's bodies, you begin to question your life choices, you start to wonder how every single man is driven by their dicks and how the entire male world is just a relentless race to find people to share their strange muscles with.

And then your dick starts waking up again and begins preparing for your next excursion.

And that's what's having a dick is like.

Frustrating versions of everyday objects

Military